The stars press down on my head.
I can't look up because their weight
Pushes the lids of my eyes beneath the horizon
Where the sun promises to rise.
And yet I laugh and am so happy.
What a world of contradictions
A world of girl scout cookie sales
And child prostitution.
Tonight I walked past a blooming lilac bush.
Whenever I feel that contradiction will
Push me into the margins of my meaningful life,
Those beautiful buds remind me to let go
I wonder why I am always searching.
I search for an escape and I search for meaning.
I search for something to believe in.
I search for something to keep me positive.
I want to sleep until I can no longer be tired.
But I worry that if I wait that long then I may forget.
And I think forgetting is worse than
Repressing the memories.