When I was in Davis I felt an overwhelming surge of emotion. But I couldn't figure out how to explain what I felt while I was emoting. It was the sort of feeling that can only be described through metaphors and similies.
I felt that emotion that makes one feel heavy, and yet excited, as if a door has opened up and the future is lying expansively in front. And yet that door is like a mirage, because I know I can see my future, but whenever I get close to the door it is shut.
Tonight I stepped cautiously into the Black Box, as if I would disturb something if I walked too far. I couldn't seem to make myself cross the threshold. I just stood there with one foot in and one foot out, and my hand holding the handle. And yet the darkness was so inviting. The quietness so gentle and calming.
I could feel that calm, but at the same time I felt as if I would never get back that piece of calm and quiet back that I felt last winter after crying my frustrations with the school, my friends, boys, standards, and anything that was weighing me down out. There is always calm that comes after a storm.
Maybe after I experience more places and thoughts I will find the words to express the emotions that I felt when I was alone in the Black Box.