An Old Journal Entry

Nature envelopes me and the winds whisper words with no consonants into my ears.
Without consonants the words are meaningless to my head, but my heart understands as I fall asleep.
The sleep is not peaceful.
It is full of images of deep greens and bright blues.
As I allow myself to lose control, a splash of orange flashes through my body.
I have lost control of my being, and the night takes the helm.
The night attempts to control my mind, but my heart never lets go of the self control I dream I own.

Time Change

I love it when the time falls back and I have more time to sleep.
This morning I woke up an hour early, and lay back in bed contemplating when I "should" get up.
My roommate woke up, looked at the clock, swore, and nearly got up.  Then she remembered that she hadn't switched her clock back.
Such is daylight savings.
Last year, when the time sprung forward, I was very careful because I was about to head on a spring break trip, and I didn't want to be late for the vans.
I woke up before the sun had risen, because someone was calling my extension.  The first words from the mysterious person's mouth was, "Happy daylight savings!"
I was late for the bus.
As quickly as I could I ran around the room and grabbed everything I needed.
My roommate had woken up when the phone rang, and she was confused because we had both been sure her phone (our alarm clock) would spring forward with the change.  Apparently it hadn't because she hadn't opened it.
But such is daylight savings.

My Emotional Self

I have had quite a week.  There have been ups and downs and highs and lows.  I have gone running, I have danced, and I have sung.  It has been quite a time.

I am beginning to wonder how I can take myself solely on an emotional journey, and not pull other people in to my questioning.  Is it a bad thing to include other people in my emotional travels?  I don't want to drive people away from me by my questions, and I don't want to frighten people when I gain intensity.  I don't want to become dependent on others either.  I don't want to constantly search.  Especially when I have no idea what I am searching for.  I want something more, but I have no idea what this "more" is, and I don't know what it will look like.

I wonder, wonder, wonder, where can I put all these emotions and thoughts?  Where can I express myself.

How can I just be?

Writers don't "want" to write, they "need" to write

Here is a sting of my thoughts:

Do I need to write, or do I just write because I don't know another way to express myself?

If I was put here for a reason, why do I keep working so hard to understand why I am here?

If we all feel so strongly and as if we need to be unique, why don't we all get along?

All is such an inconclusive term.  What does it mean to be all?  Does that mean there is a limit?

Limits and limiting.  Sheesh.  Is the sky the limit?  Does the sky have a limit?

Where did all this questioning begin?  Why do we question?

Did God want us to prove that there is a God over and over again?

Why do some people fear questioning?  Do they think there isn't an answer, and that's what we should fear?

Sometimes I fear there won't be any more questions.  

2:00 AM When She Calls Me and I'm Still Awake, Can You Help Me Unravel My Latest Mistake--Anna Nalick

I feel like a freshman right now.  It's two o'clock and I'm still awake.  I watched a thriller.  I hung out with friends.  I attended events, and I tried to do homework.

It's been a beautiful and fun weekend.  It's hard to watch time go by so quickly when there are so many things to learn and experience.

Today there was a car show that reminded me of home, and the boats on the river sounded like traffic from home, and the sky beaconed me with arms, reminding me of home, while old airplanes flew through the sky.

I wonder what image of home sticks with me the most.  I think it's the pine trees that frame the sky while I sun bathe on a boat in the ocean.  And as I bathe I watch brightly colored lobster pots drift by.  The wind penetrates through all the layers I put on, but the sky reminds me that I shouldn't worry.  It's Maine, and it's beautiful regardless of the temperature.

I wonder what it is about Maine that has kept Stephen King writing stories from the perspective of Mainers.  Maybe it's something about the people in Maine.

I'm heading off to bed.  Good-night

The Euphrates Institute

Tonight the CMU Team helped the Euphrates Institute put on an event.  The movie, "Encounter Point," was incredible.  I can't believe all that the people in Israel/Palestine have been through.

Everyone who's interested should check out:
http://www.justvision.org/
It's amazing how everybody's actions and voices impact the world.

The Sexist 1940s

Tonight in Radford I watched "To Have and Have Not," a traditional Humphrey Bogart film that portrays Bogie as a real American man.  He has a woman throwing herself at him, but he remains passive while trying to stay out of a political debate in Martinique.  Yet he gives in to both the woman and the cause he is not fighting for.

In this film only a woman with sass and sexiness could catch and keep Bogie's eye.  This woman must be sensuous, beautiful, thin, curvy, and fascinating.  Lauren Bacall is all of this and more.  She is everything a woman could want to be, and she gets the man through her sexual wiles.

This film is a Hemingway story, and therefore is slow moving until the sudden action that peppered the film, and the surprise ending after a plot that involves little growth.  I didn't even realize the movie was ending until "THE END" flashed across the screen.

Regardless of the blatant sexism and the slow moving plot, I had a wonderful time watching this film.  There were about ten of us watching it in Radford, and we were all lying on mattresses (and on each other) that had been brought over by the boys of Buck.  A wonderful and homey atmosphere pervaded the art gallery, and I could feel myself melting into the atmosphere.  Also, there were great musical numbers in the film that featured Bacall's deep and sensuous voice.  I enjoyed myself, and will definitely watch all the black and white movies shown on campus (even if they are on Wednesday night).